Obviously, the primary benefit of using adult products is the benefits they have on your sex life. More orgasms, increased intimacy and new levels of sexual communication. Many couples understand that to derive these benefits, some discussion, acceptance and practice has to take place.
What using sex toys helps with is changing your perspective and attitude towards sex. Often, we don't realise whether we are trying to defeat our partner during sex, or understand them. Defeating your partner usually refers to a narrow mindset, where one believes if they keep doing the same thing, eventually they will satisfy their partner. Not going to work! Introducing a sex toy or browsing a sex shop may be the first time the avenue for discussing desires has been open. In some relationships, this represents the opening on some sort of frisky floodgates. Suddenly you begin to understand each other's sexual wants and can therefore start accommodating for them. As long as you are both comfortable!
Telling another person about your desires can be a very intimate experience, these thoughts may have been things you were always too nervous or even ashamed to talk about. Having someone who knows what you truly like in the bedroom helps connect couples. However, the benefits of using sex toys and the communication they involve proceeds far beyond the bedroom.
You've had plenty of conversations during your relationship, whether you've only been together for 10 hours or ten years. Whatever time period, how often have you consciously made the decision to simply listen to your partner? Many younger couples are unaware whether their conversations are full of replies designed to impress each other or convince each other of their perspective. This isn't necessarily a bad thing as couples can actually build a base for healthy discussion and self-esteem. However, don't make the mistake of taking similar thinking into bedroom communication. Why? Because you are communicating very personal aspects of each other, there's no right or wrong in this context or place to impress (maybe after discussion!). Criticising during sexual discussion can be very harmful as both partners are very vulnerable. So, making the decision to only listen without comment is a great place to note things that will be valuable for your sex life. Going forward, this will also help each other greatly in providing feedback as you both are more comfortable and feel greater trust. The reason your partner never provided adequate feedback may have been because they never felt comfortable revealing what they actually wanted!
Responding to expression
Sharing any sex toy requires greater focus on the body expressions of your partner. This is because you can't feel what they are feeling. This is especially important during bondage or BDSM play as your partners potential expressions might be restricted. Therefore, in this case verbal communication is essential. However, having the ability to sense something is even a bit uncomfortable is a really reassuring skill.
You can usually tell whether something feels good or not by how your partners body is responding. You would have gained a decent gauge of this through having adult sex without sex toys. However, every experience will likely be different. You could be wondering why your partner isn't responding as positively to the pleasurable product as they did last time? So, be aware of what a lack of expression might mean? Was there enough foreplay, should you stimulate other erogenous zones, did you forget to get the dishes done for the third day in a row!? Either way, considering that different expressions can mean a bunch of things and cannot always be fixed by turning the vibrator up a notch is an awesome attitude to have.
Paying more attention in the bedroom helps partners in paying attention outside of it. Noticing whether your partner is more quiet than usual or seems agitated is an important part of a relationship. Being able to comfort them or respond well will actually improve your sex life. Especially when you are already struggling to find the time or energy to have sex.
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