Sex can be a delicious, empowering act that helps grow the intimacy between you and your partner (or partners). But you don’t need to have sex to get ‘intimate’ with your partner, and it’s important to create intimacy without sex, too.

• You might want to have intimate moments with your partner that don’t necessarily end with sex.

• You might have health concerns that prevent you from being able to have penetrative sex, such as pain or discomfort.

• You might be experiencing a reduction in sexual desire or libido.

• You might simply want to explore new levels of intimacy with your partner.

Whatever your reason for wanting to create intimacy without sex, I’ve got advice for you to do just that. I have endometriosis which means sex can be very painful. So, I’ve worked on creating intimacy with my partner without sex, and I’m passing on my top tips so you can do the same.

These tips are what works for me and my partner, so they may not work for you and yours, and that’s okay! Half of the fun of it is finding out what works for you both and exploring your options together.

Tip 1: Find out your love languages

By learning my partner’s love language (and my own) I’ve found some surprising and fun ways to spice up the intimacy between us, without the need for sex. But if it does lead to that… you won’t hear me complaining.

Originally observed and written by Dr Gary Chapman in 1992, the five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and receiving gifts. Said to increase empathy and help encourage self-growth, learning your partner’s love language (and your own) can help make the moments of intimacy between you all the more special.

If you aren’t sure what your love language is, take the quiz to find out!

As always - communication is key. Talk with your partner, be honest with yourself, and with them, about what you need to create intimacy, and always go at a pace that works for you and your body.

Tip 2: Create intimacy with your words

Someone whose love language is words of affirmation places a lot of importance on things that are said to them. If your partner loves hearing they’re loved, making the effort to vocalise the things you love about them will be extra special.

This doesn’t have to be during sex - even small things such as “I appreciate you cooking dinner”, or “you look so amazing in that outfit” can give them a boost.

But, words of affirmation can also be a lot of fun to carry over to the bedroom - telling your partner what you love about their body, naked or not, can be a great way to lead into dirty talk in the bedroom. If you want to explore this more, but aren’t quite sure how the Fifty Shades of Grey Play Nice Talk Dirty Card Game can be a lot of fun!

Tip 3: Create intimacy with acts of service

Someone who has acts of service as their love language values the time you put in to do things you know they will like. These can be practical things such as doing a household chore like cooking a meal, or even washing and charging your sex toys.

For me, this means he does the vacuuming (my least favourite chore) and I do the washing (his least favourite). Think of some things that you know your partner would appreciate if you did them; I try to make the effort to do something small for him every week at least.

This can also be carried over into the bedroom in many ways, such as by putting your partner’s pleasure ahead of yours (only doing what you’re comfortable with, of course!), and doing something you know they would like.

Tip 4: Create intimacy with quality time

The name of this love language speaks for itself; those who value quality time enjoy spending time with their loved ones, and love being in close vicinity of their special person.

My partner and I have started making time each evening to sit and talk about our days, separate from our flatmates and with no smartphones in our hands. Being able to spend time with him, and have his sole attention, has come to be one of my favourite intimate moments with him.

This is equally true in the bedroom—being present and in the moment, giving or having your partner’s full attention is incredibly hot. Science suggests that gazing into your partner’s eyes during sex can increase empathy, and intimacy, and give you both a confidence boost.

Tip 5: Create intimacy with physical touch

Again, speaking for itself, this love language focuses on the physical intimacy of being with someone. If your partner thrives on physical touch, small things such as holding their hand in the park or sharing a blanket on the couch can be great ways of showing them you care.

After a long day, giving my partner a massage with Dona's Restore Massage Oil is a great way for him to relax, and, for me to show my appreciation for him. Try doubling this up with some positive affirmations of what you appreciate about their body and I’m sure your partner will love it!

Check out Adulttoymegastore’s range of massage candles and massage oils. to surprise your partner with something sensual.

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Tip 6: Create intimacy with gift-giving

Last week, my partner surprised me with two new vibrators! This brightened my day and made me appreciate him even more. However big or small, giving or receiving a gift from a loved one is always special, as the thought behind it is always of you.

If your partner’s love language is gift receiving, showing them your adoration for them through a gift is a sure-fire way of letting them know how much they mean to you.

A bouquet of flowers, a block of chocolate, or a vibrator (or two) are great ways to show your love. I love the Satisfyer Endless Joy that he gifted me (which can be used in so many different ways!), as well as the Ro80mm Bullet, and felt very appreciated.

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Create intimacy without sex and get to know each other on a deeper level

Figuring out what works and what doesn’t is key to every relationship. I hope I’ve given you some ideas for how to have fun and create deeper intimacy with your partner and have fun exploring these ideas together!

Remember - you don’t have to have a partner to practice these tips as well; learning and exploring what floats your boat is great for anyone. Have fun!

Illustrations by Aimée Sullivan. Follow her on Instagram: @aimeeisokay

Content Disclaimer:

The information in this article has been fact checked and reviewed for accuracy by Adulttoymegastore’s team of content specialists and sexual wellness experts, including Sex Educator Emma Hewitt.

Adulttoymegastore does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment for illness. Any information published on this website, either by Adulttoymegastore or its authors, is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a medical professional.