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The Mystery of the Female Orgasm

By Goddess Leia 5 years ago. Posted in Sexual Health
The Mystery of the Female Orgasm

Sex has changed a lot for me from the early years, when he jumped on and "got off."

Like many women, I had very limited experience with consistent orgasm's until I was in my thirties. I put this down to a number of factors; not having spent enough time masturbating to really know what turns you on; confidence - sooner you shed you inhibitions and be brave enough to tell your partner what actually feels good; and people pleasing - making them feel good about themselves (when in fact they really aren’t doing a good job for you at all) instead of focussing on your own pleasure. This people pleasing isn't doing him any favours at all actually – after all if he's fiddling around down there not knowing your clit from your G-spot and you're faking orgasm and telling him he's amazing, he'd be justified in believing he's The Man. He'll keep doing what he's doing until you get bored and he must move on to the next person.

I firmly believe that the sooner people realise that "female pleasuring sex" is in fact the best sex for both parties, the happier (sexually) we will all be.

via GIPHY

Generally, I have found that people that have been in committed relationships are better in bed than people that have a lot of one-night stands, though there are always exceptions. It takes time to get to know each other's likes and dislikes; does your clit prefer to be flicked or rubbed; nibbled on or licked; up and down or sideways; hard pressure or is the simplest touch enough to set you off? In my opinion, the best way to figure this out is on your own, with no time pressure – using some great lube and fun toys.

I have found through experience that I have a more intense orgasms if I'm stimulated in multiple areas at the same time, clit and vaginal penetration, clit and nipple play, double penetration or even better, all four at the same time - very hard to achieve by yourself as you simply don't have enough hands. Don't be afraid to incorporate toys to aid you with this, it's incredible what I can achieve with a bullet or a g-spot massager, a vibrating butt plug and some nipple clamps. Take it slowly by yourself or even get your partner to watch and explore with you, the experience between the two of you will benefit you both. Remember to embrace the new sensations and push through any uncertainty, your orgasm could be just around the corner.

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If you've done some experimentation by yourself you'll know what you like, lead your partner by example. You will be amazed how much of a turn on it is for him, to see you giving yourself the ultimate pleasure and trust me they will be taking notes, so they know what to do next time.

Men, don't just rush straight to the honey pot – spend some time with her whole body. Running your hands down her shoulders and arms as you kiss her. Cup her breasts and roll her nipples between your thumbs and forefingers, maybe a gentle nuzzle. The nipples are packed with nerve endings, but they can take a lot of stimulation, and most people find that they really enjoy nipple sensation. Then stroke your hands down her waistline and across her tummy, showing her how much you appreciate her.

Once you make it between the legs, touch kiss and lick her outer lips, she'll be begging for you to dive your tongue in deeper but hold back awhile, kiss her inner thighs.

Do you know where her clit and g-spot are? If not, ask her to direct you, she'll be impressed that you care any to find out. What we see of the clitoris on the outside is only about 25% of it so spending that time in and around the area prior rather than going straight for the button will turn her on to even greater heights. If you think of the visual part of the clit as the centre of her pleasure, don’t go straight in to the most sensitive part of it – start with kissing and fondling the larger area. Think of it as discovering buried treasure. Take your time and get to know each unique clitoris, just like you would take the time to get to know the woman it is attached to. Most women require some amount of clitoral stimulation to release, meaning penetration alone – while it is enjoyable - is unlikely to be enough to push her over the edge.

via GIPHY

Some sex experts believe that the g-spot is actually part of the clitoris, which makes sense as around 75% of the clitoris is inside the woman's body. Certainly, if you can get this part stimulated with the sort of constant pressure you like along with the clit, orgasm should be achieved relatively easily and powerfully.

Let's not forget the anus, in men an absolute hot bed of pleasure due to the proximity of the prostate, however in women this too can intensify an orgasm if played with in a way which turns you both on. Don't forget to buy a douche so that you can relax and enjoy, in the knowledge that you are clean back there.

Everyone is different and there should be no shame with what gets you going between 4 consenting adults. If it is a something that you think might be a little different take smaller steps to get them along for your ride. Though you usually find most people are happy to try anything once and you probably already know each other's limitations of no-go areas/moves/expectations.

Those of you in long term relationships that feel the sex is lacking – communicate and be open-minded! There may be an underlying physical issue or emotional need not being met. Also understand that your partner could simply be tired or stressed, if they had the energy they'd be up for it, but right then sleep takes priority. I worked with a very wise man once, who said he does all the house work so that the only thing left for his wife to do at the end of the day is him! And it worked like a charm. There really is nothing sexier than a guy doing domestic chores to get a woman in the mood!

Anyway, enough from me, happy orgasming ladies!

Own Your Orgasm!

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